Its one O clock in the morning and I am an aspiring writer. Deciding to write is an unusual decision for me. I am not quite sure if I’d like to put me feelings out there in the open for all to see. But this is the first time I am seriously writing and its interesting that I've decided to start with the topic of love.
Love drives us all. Most would say that I feel that because I am a woman. I don't know. What I do know is that I am exceptionally attached to the idea of it. And since cliches are cliches are cliches, its not surprising that I choose to write about the romantic kind.
So what is so terrible about falling in love? The insecurities? The fear of it love not being returned? What is it about love that keeps us so uncertain yet tangled in it??
I met a friend yesterday. A girl. We got to talking and I just couldn't help wondering… So many years of being with someone and you start doubting your judgment. The giddy, romantic, overtaking haze of love clears and you become aware of YOURSELF suddenly. YOUR needs, YOUR hopes, YOUR desires
The first time you let a man talk you into believing that you love him - you are a goner. From then on he needs no further effort to keep you by his side. A woman’s nature you see!!(she will always think from the heart first). You will close your eyes to the fact that he is human with his set of faults and failings. From that first moment, he is your hero, your price. The one who will pull out jars from the top most shelf for you, carry the heavy boxes, hold you in the night when he talks about HIS dreams and the places HE’D like to take you.
You are his lover, his mate – the love is young. Then years pass – he still loves you, still cares. But now you are his companion, someone who’ll always be there when he wants to talk.
You wish he’d make you melt against him, make you feel like loved passionately - but the years have passed!! You are no longer his lover, his mate - you are his companion, his partner.
You feel betrayed, disappointed, cheated. You question your femininity. Why doesn’t he want me anymore? Why don’t I want to dress up anymore? Why do I have more sneakers than stilettos? When was the last time I wore a dress? When was the last time he said I was breathtaking? Am i still beautiful? I know I am still beautiful. But then why don't I feel beautiful?